Sorry!

I am deeply sorry for abandoning Blogger.
I do have reasons for this. I mean, from October 12 - 16 (I believe it was) I was away at a Youth Conference in Edmonton. A province away. I don't know why I didn't come on when I came back, I guess I just wasn't feeling it.
I think I went on once around November 1st or something. I'm not 100% sure. Anyways, I've been active for so long because of personal problems.
On November 14th, my cousin died. He was only 15; six days younger then my twin and myself. I couldn't tell anyone 'cos it was a hard subject for me to talk about. But I've been to counselling. I stopped going before Spring Break; in the middle of March.
My cousin killed himself. Today (April 14th) marks 5 months exactly. April 15th is his birthday; and he would've been 16. I don't know why he killed himself. He was my twin brother's best friend and my brother went over to his house everyday since he just lived up the road. We've known each other for the longest time. He's actually the reason I was kicked out of preschool. I threw sand at him when I was younger. Anyways, since then I've been struggling. I've done stuff I regret, and when I thought that I was going to hit rock bottom I was saved.
This may sound a tad silly and stupid, but it's the truth. I think it was a day of my cousin's funeral that I was searching up things to make myself feel better and I came across a Big Time Rush tribute video. I watched it, but it was odd 'cos it wasn't a BTR song; it was titled something called "That's What Makes You Beautiful." I later found out that the song was actually called "What Makes You Beautiful" and I found this wonderful video of five beautiful boys skipping along the beach.
After that...I don't know what happened. Unless, I do. One Direction.
I watched one video. Then another, and another. And soon I was up 'til 7AM watching videos and learning everything I needed too.
Now, I know everything I need to. I'm a directioner. I'm apart of a deadly fandom that doesn't get along anymore. I spend my days on Twitter and I fangirl about new videos, tour dates, etc.
I guess the point of this is to say that it's been an awful yet odd five months, and I've been terribly inactive, and I don't know if I'll become active; it all depends on who wants me around and such.
So...erm...hi.